my husband too is a highly functioning depressive. people who meet him think he is a nice friendly guy with a great family. if only they knew that the minute he walks in the door he is a sad broken despondent man. i think society has placed so much stigma on mental health issues that people, like my husband, feel like they have failed if they admit to not being able to cope with everything life throws at us. i hope you are able to find an outlet here. realizing you have a mental health issue has got to be a good sign, right? perhaps in time you will be able to take the next step and seek help from a doctor or counselor or someone who can help you see yourself in a better light. just know that you are not alone, and you are probably right about your neighbors, lol. we all try and show the public our best side, but in private we all have issues to deal with.