If I were only allowed one wish right now Maranara - it would be .... that this amazing forum - amazing because of the sheer beauty within its members/and guests hearts that is so apparent - (and yes, I know, why don't the 'normal people' see it and respect it??!! I'm so grateful to have discovered this site so thank you everyone, even in your darkest hour/s please know that you've all mattered to some 'one' at the least today, me) .... anyway sorry, getting back on track with my wish....... that this forum be magically transformed from 'virtual' to 'real' and we were all morphed from whatever parts of the world we hail from in an instant to a place where we are all present in person and we get to give out 'real' hugs - the ones we really really feel, and we so crave for, that just seem to be so hard to find - then I could demonstrate the true empathy that I feel for you right now, the tears that flowed as I read your post, (that, lets be honest, are of no real help to you, in this virtual world, I know), I take my hat off to you in expressing yourself with such rawness/blatant honesty, that took courage, I especially relate to your last 3 lines too!! I wish my wish could be real for you, I really do hey.