I'm not even sure it's worth it anymore. I'm just going to end up here again. And even if I don't, what if I don't feel better at school? What if I'm just damaged and I'm going to keep cycling through this over and over again? I don't know if my T can help me. I don't know if anyone can.

I'm still going to hold on though because I hold to what I said a few days ago. I am not in a position where I can make a decision that would be as permanent as ending my life. I logically understand that all of this could just be in response to the situation I am currently in. If it takes a little bit of time for me to get better at school, it is all just emotional leftovers from the summer. I can't just kill myself because of emotional distress that may or may not be temporary. It doesn't change the way I feel inside or my urges or anything. It is only preventing me from making another attempt.