I'm having some issues with therapy. I really like my therapist. i started therapy 8 mo ago and it's the first time ever I've been in therapy. I have talked about a lot of things i would never have thought i would talk about. My therapist is really nice. I have had some conflicts with her but thankfully have been able to work it out.
Lately I've just been feeling really paranoid. I have no reason to not trust her but i can't stop. First she offered a different day and time for me, which is good. I was seeing her in the afternoons and i didn't like it. She switched my appointment to another day and early in the morning. Which i prefer. But i just don't know, first of all the day she gave me, i always thought she was off that day. Then the office I'm used to seeing her in, she said we're not meeting there anymore. The office I see her in now is nice because it has a window but i don't like it cause it's hidden, you have to go in a hallway, around a corner. I also don't like the inside. I fee like I'm trapped, like a caged animal. I have a lot of anxiety. Inside, i am scared. The desk is right by the door on the left side and there's a small bookcase on the right. So her chair sits directly in the way of the door. This bothers me. The other office had that space clear...i would sit directly in front of the door, with the way clear. I have no reason to not trust my T. But i've noticed i do have more anxiety now and i feel really uncomfortable. I can't help but wonder what she's up to. I wonder if she's trying to trap me. Or if she's just planning something and she's making sure i can't get out. I feel bad for doubting her but i can't stop thinking. I don't even know how to get out of there without her telling me which way to the exit and it bothers me. I feel like crying and my heart is beating so fast and all i want to do is get out fast. She asks me last session if i was ok, said i looked more anxious than usual and i couldn't be honest. My face felt hot and my skin was tingling...i felt very scared. I hate that i feel this way, i shouldn't be feeling this and it bothers me. I already feel like I'm complicated and I'm just scared she'll get frustrated with me like, "what now!" I don't know if i should tell her at my next session or just keep this to myself. But it's making me really want to cancel. I missed 2 mo. of therapy over another issue and have had 3 sessions since then. So we're just getting back on track and i don't want her to get irritated by my stupid issues. I don't know how to deal with this.