Tearful. But not letting out tears, at the moment. Stressed, isn't stress supposed to be what an neuro patient like me should avoid?

I feel, that though going through a major headache with my nutty ex, it's better for me, to go on this trip. Darn it all, the tickets are paid....and this will show me, whether I want to relocate to a new area of this country.

Because, if I need to keep up this façade much longer, about thinking what's best for these kids is to have both mom and dad, in the same viscinity, so long as mommy never, ever, ever gets to go out, nor g-d forbid, if I were to ever go out on a date. Am I supposed to shrivel up and grow old? Am I not allowed to find some happiness and peace in my life?