Admittedly, I got a little bit unnecessarily defensive and angry. Sorry about that Lola.

I know that I am not being my own best friend in this situation and I know this is a problem of learned helplessness. I don't know how to do anything for myself because my mom has to control EVERY aspect of the house. I guess it was nice when I was younger and had no chores, but when I moved out, I didn't even know how to run a load of laundry or prepare a basic meal for myself. I would try to help clean the house, I'd work hard and show it to her. She'd get angry, tell me I did it wrong, and clean over it. I'm not convinced in my own abilities to unclog a stuck toilet, how on earth can I handle my own finances? I don't know how to do anything when it comes to handling money. I know how to cash a check and that is about it. Thinking about that is extremely scary and overwhelming to me.

Sorry for being snappy about it. I was trying to protect myself from the fear I get when I think about trying to financially independent. I know that I'm trying to justify my fear into reasons why I can't do it yet.

I also realize now that I slept on it that I read way more into Lola's post than she actually said. She said something like "5 days and 13 pages of affirmation and you still are thinking of suicide?" For some reason, I interpreted that more along the lines of "you're a stubborn, unwilling to change attention ***** that is wasting everyone's time. If you are really thinking about suicide (which I doubt) then you would have already done it before complaining about your life. If you're gonna do it, quit whining and just do it". I know that is a really really REALLY weird and twisted way to interpret that because it wasn't at all what you were saying. But that's partially why I got so defensive. Sorry.