This thread perfectly illustrates for me the dichotomy between forms of "helping." There are those who are going, 'just keep doing what you're doing! You're doing great! Rah RAH RAH!' And then are those doing the: 'no no NO! You are NOT trapped. You are NOT helpless! Try this, or this or this.' The OP gets mad and lashes out, but then has the integrity and courage to admit that it's because she knows that the second set of folks are telling her the truth but she's afraid to do what needs to be done. So the second folks point out more solutions to her and give examples of having taken the actions that need to be taken to get free to try to help her see it's doable. Then the first folks blame the second folks for trying to point out solutions and try to dismiss their input as only being about their own issues. Then the first folks keep encouraging the OP in her original course of conduct.

Honest to god, I don't think we're doing growlithing any favors by being rah rah rah people who encourage her to stay trapped by her fears. Whether Lola or Hank are reacting the way they are because of their own issues or not, the fact remains that they are offering solid advice and a what appears to me to be a much needed kick in the behind to just go ahead and start doing what needs to be done to get free and emotionally healthy. These posts ARE supportive, but maybe not in a way that the first set of folks recognizes as supportive.