Newest saga chapter. On the night of the 20th my husband gets completely trashed as he has been every night for the past 3 weeks. Only this night he gets furious and takes off in our truck. He crashes said truck (my poor truck!) and gets himself arrested...again. The 21st we had court over his last arrest which now had to be continued because he got picked up...again. When will he learn that alcohol = stupidity = jail!!!! Apparently not this month...

So like the good wife I am I listen to his dejected voice every time he calls me and I show up to his court bond hearing and I go bail his butt out of jail...again. Then we go bail my truck out of vehicle jail...again. What was the tab of this act of stupidity? $1,825. I could kill him. So he does the usual song and dance about how sorry he is and how he's going to do better..blah blah blah. At least this time he started taking his anti-anxiety meds again and made another appointment with the psychiatrist.

I bail him out and he comes home on the 22nd. Things are good. We hang out with his family on the 23rd for his moms birthday and yesterday he was in a good mood cause his boss didn't fire him and he went back to work. We text and called each other a few time's yesterday..still good mood. Then he comes home. Completely different man walks through my door. I had spent all day with the girls scrubbing floors and wiping down walls. Moving furniture and picking up. Bathrooms were spotless and dishes and laundry were being caught up. K isn't really big on praise so I sent him a text that said the girls have worked really hard on the house today. Please tell them how good it looks. So...naturally he walks in the door at about 10:30pm and my middle and oldest daughter are still awake with my youngest passed out on the couch. First thing he says is you worked on this all day? It still looks like ****. To which my middle daughter's face just falls and my oldest stomps to her room and slams the door.

I take a minute to breath and calm my temper then follow him back to our bedroom. I just stand at the door and wait. He turns and looks at me and says what? I'm not going to tell them it looks good when it doesn't. It doesn't even look like you did anything today. The laundry is still not done and our room is a mess still. Basically all he saw was what we hadn't managed to get done in 9 hours and not what we did. There was one pile of laundry left...in the entire house. He grabs our laundry basket which contained his one work outfit from yesterday and slams it down in front of me. He says as usual its my stuff that gets done last...he has a million pairs of work shorts. One dirty pair is not going to kill him. So he goes on and on about how I'm a horrible mother and I don't care about him or take care of him. How I can't do anything he asks of me..blah blah blah. To make it all better he starts in on our bills. Says I rely on him to pay everything and I'm so air headed that I don't even have a plan on how to pay the mortgage payment on Monday. I really wanted to remind him that I had had the money...I had to use it to bond him and my truck out. Had the money for the mortgage AND all of this months bills. Now we don't even have enough left to make the deductible to get the truck in the shop..because of him. Do I say this? Of course not...I keep my mouth shut cause lets face it..it would do no good to say any of it.

He goes on and on and I get more and more angry then he says it...When he got arrested he got charged with another felony. He knows he's going to have to do time over this one. We both knew it the moment they read off the charges. If we are lucky it will only be 3 months...if we aren't it will be 9 months. We won't be lucky. So in the middle of all this word vomit as I call it spilling out of his mouth he says he knows while he's gone I'm going to cheat on him to get back at him for all those messages I have found on his phone. I can't help it...my anger goes away and for the first time last night I take a good look at my husband. He's scared. He's scared to death that we are going to lose everything..which we are in severe danger of doing..but more he's worried when he gets out he won't have his family to come home to. Why would I wait 9 months for him? He wouldn't wait for someone like him if he were me.

At this point I stop arguing at all. I just sit there and let him say everything he needs to. After about another hour he goes to bed. I finish up the kitchen, take a shower, do some homework, and then go to bed about 4. I wait. There is one sign that tells me in the morning everything is going to be ok. When he goes to bed angry he will either at some point snuggle up to my back and wrap his arms around me or he won't. If he does we are going to be ok in the morning. If he doesn't then the mood will continue throughout the next day. He didn't. First thing this morning I got up and put his clothes in the washer. He then decided to take a shower after the washer had been going about 10 minutes. I was busy elsewhere and didn't hear him get into the shower until he started yelling out the door about the washer being on. He very obviously saw me start the load. After his shower he came out and said see another prime example of how you disregard what I need and how it's just you (me and the kids) versus him. So I don't need to bother doing anything for him ever again because I can't do anything right anyway. Nice.

I was so looking forward to today. His one day off and my kids are right now at an ice cream party and we had 4 hours of kid free time which we never get. So what are we doing? He's in the living room watching a movie and I'm sitting here typing this and doing homework. This is the worst part about being married to him. The disappointment. The plans that don't come together because he goes into an episode. The precious alone moments we miss because he doesn't want to even look at me. I know I'm married but it mostly doesn't feel like it. I miss my friend. I miss my husband. I feel very very alone right now.