I can totally relate. There are days when I feel like the scum of the earth. My self esteem was always poor, I used to say about 3 on the 1-10 scale. At my worst during my breakdown it was about -135. I do better now, but it is still tough. I know why, my father use to explicitly tell me I was so much human garbage. The illogical part is that l know better intellectually. As a teenager, all I had was academics, not allowed by the abuser to have friends, a job, do activities. So, I excelled. Straight A student, co-Valedictorian. College was harder, I did poorly in some classes, which trashed my self image again, and switched majors a few times. Family came down on me as not successful enough, even though I did graduate with honors, they didn't approve of my career choice.

Even now, it makes no sense to me that I feel like the dregs of humanity. I have 2 college degrees now, one with a perfect 4.0 gpa. I went back and got professional certification in my current field and then advanced certification in a specialty area of my field. I've worked full time since the Monday after I graduated from college at 22, and I am close to 50. At my current job, I am my boss's right hand man and he praises my work all the time to clients. Own a house outright, financially stable, my only brush with the law ever was a speeding ticket. And I consider myself a very nice guy.

Yet I feel like the lowest of the low, like I am a felon or something.