I really like your screen name...holding on hope. Clearly that is exactly what you are doing right now. I can relate to many aspects of your story. The family dynamics around addiction, the feeling that no matter what you do it is never enough, and the deep pain of feeling so alone when your husband is in the next room.

I don't know if you have any recovery or therapy, but you clearly have some great tools around not taking the bait. You can't argue with an addict or someone who is not medicating their mental illness.

You cannot change him or his situation. You can only change yourself and your situation. I would strongly recommend an Al Anon meeting. There are even on-line meetings. There you will find other people how have gone through exactly what you are describing, and they can share their strength and hope with you. I hope you can find some healing there.

Hang in there and just take it one minute at a time. And keep holding on to hope.