I spent 10 years with a diagnosed borderline. I was the borderline stream, with lack of self worth & self image, I am also a validation junkie. I work hard, have to have nice things, etc. I feel great pain at perceived slights, etc.

My wife and I have been married for 3.5 years. She is not an emotional person. My emotional well has been "drying up". We even saw counselors before we got married. We got married anyhow. I changed jobs, worked a lot, and we had a son. Her focus changed to him, and I felt even more alone. I have been diagnosed with separation anxiety, and am very much a shame-based thinker.

Over a year ago, I asked her to go to counseling. The slightest criticism from her was enough to really hurt me. She felt like everything was fine, there were no problems, etc.

We tried for baby number 2. We got pregnant. At this point, I was mentoring someone at work, and she and her husband were separating. At first I was a listening ear, then I was someone she "valued" and "admired". I felt alive, and I began an emotional affair - one that eventually turned physical.

My wife found out on July 8th. Life has been hell since. She has threatened to move out of state with the kids, said a lot of hurtful things in front of the boys, turned a lot of people against me (not hard to do when you say your husband had a long-term affair for months and months while you were pregnant and then had his baby).

She believes this would have continued until I was caught. I had been trying to figure out how to end it for a while, but I never brought it up in my individual counseling. I did try to get us scheduled for couples emotionally focused therapy, but it was too late.

Once she found out, she wanted me gone. By the end of that day, she talked about trying to move past it, wanting to be stronger and as if it had never happened. In the last 45 days, she has become extremely angry, bitter, and holds nothing but hate for me. Our sons are 2.5 and 8 mo.

I am devastated. A) I never meant to hurt her B) I don't want to lose my family (papers filed, already $10s of thousands in legal debt). C) She was my best friend until I stepped out.

I realize my feelings for this other person were not real, despite my stating them (which my wife so painfully read when I left a computer open with my google voice texts going back 9 months). She then reviewed our phone records, correlated events, and has been stewing since.

I do believe she has some BPD traits herself (she has painted my family black for even talking with me, same with others in our "circle").

For a validation junkie, I have just committed an atrocity. All of our friends and family know, it is on facebook, known by some at work, etc. She says we are 100% through, has been packing the house and has rented a new place. She moves in a week.

I want desperately to keep my family together, but I feel like it is too late.

I have ended the affair, but she will never trust me again, and has stated that the thought of being with me disgusts her, that she wants to be with someone that she knows has never betrayed her. She is 100% unwilling to try.

I have continued to express my regret, shame, remorse, tried to acknowledge her hurt, and reiterate my love for the family and for her. It looks to be falling on deaf ears.

In 7 days, I will be in an empty house, visiting my kids, penniless (after the lawyers and maintenance/child support), and will have gone from riches to rags overnight.

I want to save the marriage, but do not think it is possible. The little I have heart from her going to therapy has been very negative about me. She won't do couples counseling (cancelled our last two attempts).

Any hope?