Hii
A year ago my addiction to self harm has started. It started off with a few scratches but it quickly escalated to big wounds and now scars. Cutting became my only refuge, the only way I could vent, the only method to punish myself for being so worthless. Everything would make me cut, everytime I'm upset and even sometimes I had to cut just to feel sane. As much as it made me momentarily feel better, I hated it. It made me feel so selfish, I hated myself and it had its ways of making me feel guilty of abusing my own body. I tried to stop. Sometimes weeks would pass without me cutting but then something would happen and I'd relapse again. It was an ongoing cycle. I just lost hope and faith in myself...why try when I know I'm gonna fail eveytime
Now 4 months (4 very hard deprived months) have passed without me cutting. I've turned to other methods like rubber band on the wrist and drawing cuts on my arm (yes I was that desperate). But a few weeks ago I relapsed and ever since that time I let go of every ounce of strength I put into trying to stop. Now the urges are frequent and I can't seem to do anything to distract myself anymore. I don't know what to do and I'm scared. I don't want to let my best friend down..I promised id stop after he noticed the cuts but now I can't even look into his eyes without feeling guilty. He was one of my main incentives and now I even let that go.