Well reading responses to people talking about my life and other very serious things is much more interesting than figuring out a checkbook or an online program or whatever is involved in financial stuff.

What does this have to do with anything? I posted a thread because I was struggling with sui ideation everyday. I also posted this thread because the thought occurred to me that if I did commit suicide, my T might be negatively affected and I thought that maybe someone out there in a similar situation could benefit from thinking about that too. I didn't make anyone respond to it. That was your own accord. I didn't intend for this thread to go the direction it did. It just happened. What logic is there for you to not understand? It kinda does sound like you are saying don't post and downplaying my situation.

Can we just meet me where I am? My parents will be mostly out of the picture in 8 days. I'll need to settle myself emotionally and then I can consider other options. You guys are talking about completely rewiring and changing my life when I'm too scared to walk upstairs and get food before it is dark out. I appreciate that all of you have gone through this and figured out how to make your life work and are willing to reach out and help me figure things out financially. I'm not there yet and talking about it right now is completely stressing me out. I have to just survive before I can talk about money and math.

I'm not making excuses. I've told you my rationale behind not living on my own. I've told you what I'm scared of and what I believe. I know that being afraid isn't a good reason to not get a job, but I'm over 700 miles away from where I would be applying to get a job.

I also don't think I agree with you guys that my best option is to go financially independent at this particular moment. My best option is to use my parents' money and minimize the amount of time I have to spend with them. I can do a week or two and my mom is usually actually quite civil with me when I am only here for a week or a few days. Doing that triggers an emotional reaction of fear, but it doesn't trigger sui. If I can talk them into putting me on their car insurance which I have made good progress with, that will make it even easier. I have so much respect for people who managed to make living miniscule amounts of money work, but I don't have to do that. I can use the time during the school years to work on my psychological well being and my trade and I will come out of it with absolutely zero debt. It's also not like they control me year round. It is really only when I am here. They don't even remember to call me every week.

Also, saying that I am not empowered because I am not financially independent is a little weird to me. What isn't empowered about using your parents for their money and health insurance? I'm letting them control what I do just a little bit to play their game and maximize the amount of financial assistance I get from them. At the end of the day, they are pouring money into someone who is going to walk away and block their number when they call as soon as I get a real job. I'm not just blindly following their lead. I have a plan. There are serious problems with it, but I like it better than worrying about if I will be able to feed myself or not.