bluegirl, I think there are several issues in your post. You mention childhood abuse and no one deserves that. None of that was your fault. Others just couldn't see the beauty in your soul. Relationship problems...is there a pattern? Do you push away or become clingy? When we're not feeling very good about ourselves it's difficult to develop a healthy relationship with others. You say he cheats on you. I'm thinking that this is hurtful, too. Business failures.....whose idea for the business...yours or his. The economy is difficult for start up companies. There may be mistakes you made in business operations, but there may not be, either. It could just have been a matter of timing.

Seems to me that some introspection may be helpful. Spend time thinking of your perfect relationship. Describe the qualities of your ideal partner. Really think of all phases of a relationship, from the tube on the tooth brush on. When you know exactly what you want in a then you have to decide if it's possible to have that relationship with your husband.

You've had some major stressors. A new baby, business problems and relationship problems are quite a load, especially when they are all piled on at one time.

I'm not saying that all this will be fixed quickly. It will be step by step. And while you're doing this work, I hope you will examine what brings you happiness and develop a road map of sorts of how you want your life to be. Nothing about the past can be changed, and you will probably always remember it some. But you have a chance to change direction so that you will be able to do the things you want to do and be around people who share your interests and values. You can make things different. I'm not saying it's quick or easy, but if you really want something you can find it. Be well, and be good to yourself.