Tinyrabbit.... I can related soooo much more than I could put into words to this:

"I've always had to do the moving-on part without the healing and grieving that comes first. So I feel threatened and invalidated when I think of having to be healed, because I'm afraid I'll be robbed of the healing part again. Trigger point, like I said."

I understand. I went straight from my own childhood to "must be healed" and I shoved (and still shove) everything aside. Even right now... I can't think of my family life as being nothing but minimally disagreeable. ((Keep in mind, there wasn't phyiscal or sexual abuse in any way, as I was really lucky. Just a lot of emotional neglect and a good handful of verbal abuse)). I've never spent the time feeling hurt, because whenever I feel hurt I throw it away in my attempt to be normal.

I'm just going to remind you (because it needs to be said I feel) that you are none of the negative things you said. You didn't imagine things, you are not ridiculous, you're not pathetic, you're not being self-indulgant, you aren't shameful, you aren't disgusting.

You're scared and you're hurt and you've been brainwashed (really, that's what happens to us when all is said and done) to not trust yourself and to trust in someone who was abusive. And it is ok to have been all of those things. It is not your fault that you got convinced to not trust yourself.



I just... I really understand your post, so much more than I can actually put into words. I wanted you to know that.