Thank you for your suggestions on how to help things improve. For sure, staying active and moving forward in life is the best policy for me now.

To clarify, I've had other girlfriends before and other breakups, I think that it was just the time and place and circumstances with this last one that tore me up so much. What I've found really puzzling through the years from girls I've dated and people I've known who have had pretty horrible breakups or divorces is how willingly people seem to throw away their relationships with others as if they don't mean anything. I think that this last one was just the tipping point for me in that I picked her from the belief that she really would be different, but of course wasn't in the end. The girl I miss in her doesn't even truly exist because the very premise of building our relationship was based on a girl who wasn't and probably still isn't at a stable point in her mind.

I was hoping for someone who would consistently want to be with me, but there were so many red flags at the start and as we moved on that I should have known better.

I am very bad at coping with loneliness since we broke up, but I know stranger, worse things have happened to others and may yet happen even to me, though I hope not. I just find that with every failed relationship I have I get that much more protective of myself and less willing to give most girls a shot.

I've got a future that I want to work towards that I know will take me away from where I'm currently living, and while I love the idea of a new girlfriend, I also know that I will be graduating and leaving in a year and a half. I'm 20 now and get the feeling I'll be single for my remaining time in undergrad...maybe I'll end up eating those words though.