tinyrabbit,

I, too, can really relate to your post. All of those dark thoughts and emotions aimed towards yourself. I suffer the same cruel self-deprecating deep beliefs.

Getting yourself to STOP putting yourself down and believe the memories that haunt you is a not an overnight task of course. It takes time. You have taken a very important first step though. You talked about it. Kudos to you! It is such an important first step.

You are not alone. You are not a liar. You are not sick. You are NOT at fault in any way. You were an innocent teenage child. It's very easy for us to look back, as adults, and kick ourselves for giving in. We forget that we were of completely different mindset back then. We forget that we weren't aware of programs out there, designed to help children in bad situations. We forget how we internalized all of these confusing emotions and automatically took the blame upon ourselves ~ we just get to deal with the consequences.