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middlepath · Aug 25, 2013, 07:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by inwaytodeep1

Hello,

While looking through some posts I saw a few people have experienced what
I´ve put myself through a few times.

Basically I work myself up into a mania that includes getting involved in creative projects that are fantastic when in a mania, but when I come crashing down, I´m stuck with the fallout which is basically a project that needs a highly creative mind at all times.

I´ve just came out of a 7 month mania (I was able to put myself in a creative state through methods I cant access when depressed). During this time I put together many multi-medium platforms that look great to the eye, but need a lot more development with time and money.

I now have a project that is just sitting there and I´ve gone into a funk that has me completely stuck with a mind that can´t produce at the level I need to develop it.

Everyone around me (not knowing my condition, tells me to continue as my work is really good and has high value).

I dont want to quit, but I feel now that Im out of my mania that Im completely delusional and the project is not possible unless I can get back into the state that allows me to produce at a higher level.

I currently in a place where I have to make a decision to bail on something that is incredibly highly developed, but needs that other person to get it to where it plausible for success....or just crawl into a hole and give up and face the facts that my condition has set me up for failure on a grand scale.

I know its hard to give an answer with such little info and understanding, but Im just so stuck and for the past few days Ive basically done nothing but sleep and stare at the computer for solutions that are not there...

I understand wayyyyy to well what you are talking about. I am an artist (well teacher by trade but artist by nature), and I only paint at the extremities of my moods. My work is gut wrenching when depressed and synergistic when manic (hypo?). The place that I go when I am manic is not something that I can describe very well other than saying it is a pure interaction with the universe that allows me to funnel and channel some of its infinite energy filtered by my brain, onto a canvas.

I have been left dry by manias past when I am faced with a crash into depression when I am mid-painting. My up paintings are only able to be completed while manic and so I have paintings that wait for completion for 1 year and sometimes 2. I literally cannot access their completion. It is like there is a security door that has been locked and I can no longer get to the piece of my brain that started the painting. Rather than adulterate the original concept, I just wait till that same mood hits me again (usually spring every year). I do the same thing with depressed canvas work but the curve of energy from entering a cycle and ending a cycle is much less pronounced so I can usually sense the end coming and wrap up the painting before I am out of the depression.

Anyhow...I described my experience only to tell you this: wait it out. BP is cyclical, you will be back in the same mindset again and "the answers" may come to you later. Don't scrap your work, set it aside. Go live life and then just remember on that day that mania comes to pay you a visit that you have a project for him/her to help you complete : )