Thirty-one years is a long time, but it sounds like you are making the right decision. I have been married for 32 years and am facing a separation as well. Although my husband has never been physically abusive, he has been extremely controlling and verbally abusive. Like you, I am afraid of the unknown. I have not worked since my oldest son was small, so I have no skills to market.
One comfort that I do find is that I will have my children (I have 2 boys). Although I don't want them to think that they have to become the only source of my happiness, they really have been that to me since their birth.
Best wishes to you as you begin your new journey. I think you'll be telling yourself once all is said and done that you should have done this a while ago.
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Originally Posted by mardandew
My husband of over 31 years, has recently had a mental breakdown of some kind. To make a long story short, he had been showing signs, (controlling, manipulating, screaming, not listening, etc., etc.), but because I loved him, I ignored them. My grown sons, two of whom live with us, on the other hand did not. In any case, he had a breakdown, cursed and screamed and got violent (first time). Had to call the cops and now have a civil restraint against him.
As a family, we had been discussing moving from New Jersey to California, to join my youngest son and start a new life (things were getting bad for us in NJ). Now I realize that my husband was just "yessing us to death" and was not really serious. In any case because of what happened, my two sons, my dad and I are going to join my son in California and begin our new life.
My problem is not that I am sorry that my husband will be alone, it's just that I can't believe what has happened. How do you start a new life in a new state when you have been devoted to (what turned out to be) a crazy man. My whole life was wrapped around him and my sons. I am so scared about the unknown. Will I be able to find a job (at 58, I've been looking for 18 months in NJ), will I every find happiness again? How can I stop trying to figure out what happened and move on? Why do I want so badly to get even with him for what he has done.
My three sons assure me that all will be well and that we will be fine as long as we stick together (they are my rocks) and I trust them completely. But I don't want to become a burden to them (even though they swear that would never happen).
How can I overcome this fear and realize that all will be ok? I am so worried about everything.  |