I think I have been having mixed episodes the last few weeks.

I get extremely agitated, its like my body is buzzing with energy but I have no outlet for it. Getting on the exercise bike and riding a million miles an hour doesnt help, my body starts to lock up but the energy is still there. My thoughts are all negative full of loathing and self hatred, random things go through my head and my brain tells me I need to slash because I am so stupid. My poor boyfriend cops it, I text and text and text him asking him to help me but there is nothing he can do.

Caffine makes it a million times worse. I have more to write but I need to go out so I will reply again later.