Quote:
Originally Posted by Polyphony
I have a professor whom I really like and care about. She is extremely intelligent and fascinating...and because I care so much about what she thinks, I remember every little thing I've said to her. I'm simultaneously extremely comfortable around her and extremely nervous. Her open, accepting, and considerate nature make me comfortable, but my awkwardness and self-consciousness make me nervous. When I get nervous, I say awkward things. When I say awkward things, I think about it over and over again...which makes me more anxious. It's a bad cycle.
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Wow, glad you posted as this is exactly the form my social anxiety takes.
I get terrible anxiety when I say certain things to people and it's far worse when it's someone I like and respect. It's not so bad when I stick to talking about safe unemotional topics but then I feel like I'm boring and don't have anything to say. As soon as I express an honest opinion, I start to ruminate and convince myself that my opinion is wrong or unacceptable. I can hear my words echoing in my head and imagine what they sounded like to the other person.
I'm currently working on low self esteem by reading a book by Melanie Fennell recommended by one of my Ts when I was doing CBT. It's making a lot of sense so far and explains how people with low self esteem become convinced that others focus on their negative points as much as they do and forget about the positives. By paying more attention to the good things we say or looking for any possible positive interpretations of the bad things we think we said, the anxiety can lessen.
One helpful thing I've been doing recently is thinking of the people I really like and reminding myself that they often say things I don't agree with or sometimes even think are plain wrong or offensive but it doesn't change how I feel about them overall. I think if we like ourselves more we'll be more forgiving over things we say and accept that maybe others see it as part of the bigger picture of who we are.