my trigger occurred many years ago i have seen psychologists and psychiatrists and tried many meds..i was naive as a young man and unable to cope with a relationship breakdown i drank and self injured..i went to see a priest i was deperate for solace..the priest swore at me for disturbing his tea and called the police..wanting to hide the blood i put my hands in my pockets and refused to remove them in front of the police cos i was so ashamed..the police hit me hard in the stomach knocking me to the ground i took out my hands to break my fall..the police saw the blood and put me in the car to go to the station..they put plaster on my wounds which irritated them and i pulled off..i was then thrown against the wall with such force that my back dislodged a metal towel dipenser..they told me i was wasting police resources..i was then made to sit at a desk and i was asked for my name..again i was ashamed and refused to answer..each time i didnt answer i was hit with a fist from behind to one side of the head or the other and each time i was hit 4 police stood to one side and laughed..it was an insane environment..this went on for a half hour..finally one took his gun and placed it in my mouth and threatened to send me to the mental hospital...i thought it must have been worse..i cant forget and i cant forgive