I used to be this way because I was in denial. I thought I was highly functional. I thought I was better than other people. "Oh those poor unfortunate souls who have mental illness". I used to look at mental illness as a checklist. As people... like checklists. I used to be the most rational, logical person you've ever met. I thought emotions were weird. I was as solid as a rock. Or so I thought..

One day I cracked. Well, as a lot of mental illnesses seem to go.. my depressive episode started insidiously. I thought I was just acting more stressed out than usual. Of course, I'd later go to the doctor to see about having depression, and was diagnosed. But the whole problem the entire time, it turns out, after being referred to a psychiatrist, was that I had ADHD.

My universe was shattered. I had friends who couldn't handle it, the depression part. It was too intense for them. They left me. I thought I could be open about my disorder because I had seemed so normal before... I was wrong. People didn't understand. Sometimes, it's like you get a mental illness and all of a sudden it seems to be like you have fricking leprosy.

This has made me a lot more compassionate towards everyone. I realize how much of a fool I was before. It's almost like karma came and bit me in the ***. I was never outwardly cruel to people or anything.. it's just.. I had those prejudiced thoughts. Now, I truly do think every man is equal.

Now I'm a lot more careful about who I tell about my history. That's not a fact I'm going to share when I'm just reconnecting with friends from the past and/or meeting new people. It's hard, but this forum helps. I'm also trying to join a local support group in my area to meet others like me.

I think life is even better now that I'm not living a lie.