He called today. Said using the word deceptive and saying "see u whenever" was his way of saying my text about staying overnight was confusing and he'd see me later.

I have to remember that he is human and was triggered by me. He probably felt scared and hurt tho never admit it. As for me, I was already stressed with parents visit and have been feeling fed up by what i experience as criticism and anger from him.

I know I'm highly sensitive to both anger and criticism. and saw it in action with and from my parents. My mother is critical with me beyond belief and my father rages when he drinks. And the dynamic between them is sad.

Also have been getting more and more convinced my bf has lied to me a few times. Something i never thought he'd do. My trust was one thing holding me to him. I have no absolute proof.

After a weekend spent in tears and deep depression working at accepting that we were over he calls this a.m. i feel deflated and confused and sort of relieved but not really.

So maybe we both overreacted.

Trust is clearly an issue for both of us. I'm not sure how to address it. I dont want to confront only because I don't think it's effective. Especially not with him. Maybe I'll talk about how much I trusted him in the beginning but some things just dont fit. And just talk about trust in general and what we think its value is in a relationship. Maybe ask him if he thinks it's important to come clean after telling a lie. And I'll keep working on taking my power back and stop handing it over to him so much. And continue with my physical activities and losing weight.

So seems we're not over yet and I'm in a relationship that feels lousy. And the fact that I know I'm part of the problem means there is more work to be done. I want us to be candid with each other. I probably need to just do it and see if he can join me. But how to express things without sounding confrontational. Stick with I statements. And i learned even saying "i felt suspicious" isn't as effective as "i felt sad" and then talking about what i thought may have been happening. I have a script that helps.

I see my therapist today. I want answers and not more questions. It helps me to understand the dynamics that are happening, like talking about why we choose the partners that we choose. And seeing where I'm repeating dynamics and things like that.