I hear you when you say you are in a bad place today. I'm sorry nothing has been working for you so far but it's not you, it's the illness. I only suffer from depression but feel the same way. I can't seem to pull myself out of it. I know that I can't will myself out of depression. I have to keep trying, even when everything else has failed. So you have to keep trying. With therapy it might work with a different therapist. Or maybe different meds. You can't just give up and blame yourself. You didn't ask for any of these issues. Keep reaching out for help.
Gayle