Hello everyone, this is my story. Its going to be one long post and i hope you dont mind. Me and my siblings were emotionally and physically abused by our mother.Verbal abuse occurred way more than physical. As kids we had no idea what was happening. But as i grew up, and expanded my knowledge on psychology i realized that my mother had a personality disorder. Which i dont want to get into in this thread because that's not what i want this thread to be about.

Yes, i grew up believing that i was a burden, useless, ugly and unworthy. All these ideas were planted in my head by my mother. I never felt loved by her. Because she didnt show any sign of loving me at all. All she showed towards me and my siblings were disgust and hatred. Despite all this, i fell in love with a girl. Which didnt work out. It only lasted for one and half years. She dumped me and immediately moved on to another guy like nothing happened. I went no contact on her right after the break up, but i went through absolute hell. After months of grieving, i finally came to a better place. A way better place because i used that rejection to improve myself and the girl is almost a distant memory now. And you know what i miss? Her mother.

I saw something in her the very first day i was introduced to her by my ex. She was absolutely gorgeous, kind and loving. I just could not stop smiling at her. We grew close to each other slowly because we had a lot in common. Unlike my own mother. And most importantly, she praised my skills, my personality and who i am as a person. Months passed by and she started making comments about how i was like her own son. I hope you could understand how happy i was to hear that from her. And she did back that up with her actions. Every time i was exposed to the rage of my real mother, i thought about her and comforted myself.

A great relationship, a beautiful girlfriend, and mother figure. I wanted to get closer and closer to her. I started dreaming about the days where i could finally abandon my abusive mother treat my in law to be as my own mother. But unfortunately it didnt happen. I got dumped. My entire world started collapsing. And i wanted to say my final goodbye to her. I stood in front of her and poured my heart out to her because i knew i would never get an opportunity to do so again. Although she had told me i was like her own son, i had never told her how i felt about her. I cried, i told her everything. She watched me with tears in her eyes and promised to keep in touch with me, which i politely refused, but she insisted. I hope you can imagine how awful it must have felt to lose your romantic love, and your mother figure at the same time.

So its been several months. I havent spoken a single word to my ex because i really dont have anything to say to her. And i dont love her anymore. Nor do i want her back. Her mother however contacted me several times. And thats what brought me here. I miss this woman. I absolutely miss her. And i miss her even more after she contacts me. But i know that our dynamics have changed. Im just not her daughter's boyfriend anymore. Someone else has taken that place. And it saddens me that i might not see her or spend time with her again. Because she's not a therapist, or a friend, she's my ex's mother, something i need to move on from and not make myself look like a loser to the people i was involved with.

I've got a lot more to say about this whole thing, but i'll leave you with this for now. I just wanted to vent and i want to know your opinion, maybe your comfort.