Quote:
Originally Posted by hamster-bamster
You should stop thinking the thoughts you have been thinking and focus on getting a better deal out of the divorce process (shared custody-wise and money-wise).
What does not ring true in the story is that you call her your best friend. A friend - let alone a BEST friend - is someone who is emotionally attuned to you. In your case, you perceived a slightest criticism as a big hurt, and thus suggested counseling, but she retorted with "all is fine why bother?", which showed that she was not attuned to you.
The threats to move out of state with the kids might be empty, but make sure you know your rights. You can probably veto her plan to move out of state with the kids. She does not seem to realize that you are the kids' father and you have legal rights.
|
Thank you for your reply. I wasn't sure what sort of support system (if any) I would get here since I made some horrific choices. It is interesting that your comments echo those of my therapist and a couple of friends who still talk to me, that I had been struggling with these things for a long time and that my feelings for her are more idealization (in love with what I WANTED things to be) combined with a MASSIVE fear of abandonment, all crashing down at once.
I do have an attorney, and we are working through the process. She has out and out said that she hopes to find another man to replace me "that the kids can call daddy". Much of that is likely to hurt me. I have a journal (at my attorney's request) -- especially since law enforcement has been called on several occasions (they wanted to arrest her for DV).
I guess I am not morning the marriage as much as the "pristine life" that I had built up around me -- nice job, house, car, wife, kids, toys, big parties at the home, etc. Now that all of THAT is falling apart (still TBD on whether or not my job is safe, still TBD on whether or not I keep the house, still TBD on what toys -- if any -- I keep).
I am beginning to realize that I was in love with "the image", and with "what I wanted it to be." Neither of those is/was reality...
She told me this morning that there is zero, none, absolutely definitively no chance that we will ever have a relationship again. It has been a rough day
.