I had been with my wife for 10yrs and she was dealing with depression. She told me she wasn't happy but me not knowing how to deal with that kind of thing just told her to make herself happy. She was into dog training and left for California for a couple months to do training. When she came back she was addicted to crack cocaine. I tried to help. Offered her to goto rehab but she wasn't interested. We ended up separating for 5 years during which time she was in with a bad crowd, addicted to crack. She had met a guy that treated her like crap, black eyes and all but he kept her in dope. We always kept in touch and when she was down and desperate she'd come to me for help a place to stay or food or whatever. During the five years we were apart her brother passed away and she ended up moving back near her parents farm and brought that guy with her. After a while she finally dumped him and was on her own and got off the crack. She would still come to visit even though it was a 9/hr drive. After about a year of a few visits and lots of talking and texting she convinced me to quit my job sell my house and move to be with her. Things were great for the first six months then one night she came home drunk and I got mad a took off for a couple days to cool off. When I got back everything seemed to have changed in a instant. All of the sudden she didn't love me anymore. At the time I had no job because I was working on their farm so at 42/yrs old I had to move into my moms basement. I found out she was back on crack and things weren't going so well for her. I had found a job 6/hrs away and she came to visit and we had a fun week and it didn't seem to be bothering her to not be smoking crack. I managed to find a job only an hour from her a few months ago and we were getting along really well although she was still on dope but trying to deal with it. We were talking about getting back together until yesterday she told me she was with another guy but not gonna be her boyfriend. Being with her is not an option anymore although if she invited me to move back in I probably would. That's how much I love this girl. We had such a long history together and a good marriage until the drugs. Now 17/yrs after we met I'm older and goin bald and don't feel confident at getting a new girl. All my freinds live far away and I'm stuck in this little coal mining town. I just don't know how to get outta this funk I'm in. I feel like my whole life's been wasted and I have no future. I hate living here and I really miss my ex. I know things can never go back to being the same I just wanna give up. I'm not considering suicide but honestly I'd rather be dead then have to live a life of depression.