It sounds like there were other things going on beyond just the lack of intimacy between you. I think that when she found out you had strayed, it just gave her an excuse to do what she maybe already wanted to. I am having extreme anxiety right now over my relationship. We've been together for a long time, and on the surface things always seem fine, we get along decent....and we are physical (not as much as I want)... but I feel like she has a barrier around her all of the time. I feel like I am always complimenting her, working on propping her up, but I don't feel like it is reciprocated. If we have any sort of conflict I feel like she doesn't listen to me and dismisses how I'm feeling. I guess in the end it's about control, to me it feels like she has control over the relationship.... if she wants to be physical, it will happen, if she doesn't it won't. If we disagree about something with the kids.... if she doesn't agree with me, it will be her final decision, regardless of how I feel about it. I tried to explain this to her that even though she says we are 50/50, it's more like 49/51, with her 1% always overriding what I say. I've tried to get her to go to counseling with me, but she doesn't want to, she gets angry with me and feels like I am impossible to please.... but that's totally not true.... I don't complain about anything, I just want us to be closer.... Anyway not to ramble here.... but I think that there is more going on there. I guess the lesson in your post is to not get involved with others while you are in a relationship... and be upfront about what's going on as much as you can even if it hurts you tell them what you're feeling.