Quote:
Originally Posted by happy 2 b here
Hi I.Am 
How are you feeling today. We were in the chat room room last night, I know you are struggling with depression right now, as well as isolation.
I have lived with dysthymia, myself, for as long as I can remember. As a child, I was very anxious, sensitive, a worrier. By the time I was 12, I was so stressed with my life, and in my late teens, I started having panic attacks.
My sadness is always with me, -- always, but I am able to function, and live a full life -- for that I am very grateful.
I am now 65, so have been coping with this for many years. I am struggling right now with more sadness than usual, and am quite emotional -- tears come and go -- and I am not a person who easily cries -- if anything, I dislike it immensely -- but, right now, they seems to be a good release.
As I am getting older, I am seeing that maybe I need to let the emotion out -- tears will do that -- maybe I will learn to accept that.
Having constant, chronic depression is very difficult -- I tend to go into my shell more, at times
Like you, I do not think more of talk therapy -- honestly, my life, except for this, is very good. There is nothing in my childhood, or my marriage, or my raising a family, that needs to be discussed. As far as I see it, this condition is genetic, it is biological, it is clinical. In the family -- in mine, big time. So I come well by this "miserable curse"!!!
I could go on and on -- please know you have a source of understanding and support from me  |
Well, unlike you I don't feel like I can function at the level I need to do all that I want to do and to be ultimately be as happy as is possible.
My childhood wasn't bad by any means, but I never really bonded with my parents and they won't hardly talk to me unless I contact them first now that I don't live with them. I even told my mom that she can call me and not worry if I'm busy because I could always call her back. But she won't. And I can't call unless I have a distinct reason (like something about money or something) and not because I just want to say hi or something.
And I'm not married...I wish I could be someday. I don't feel like I have the social ability to. The sad thing is that apparently I'm not ugly. I just have a personality that is a complete turn-off—at least for guys. And I'm not pretty enough to make up for a horrible personality. Guys have gotten pretty angry/annoyed when I expressed interest in them years ago (I don't anymore because it's inappropriate). I just tend to offend their masculinity I guess.
No one in my family has any problems that I know of...but I only talk to my parents and I rarely do that. So I can't really talk to any family about this...or really any feelings. I don't have close friends either...and so no one to talk to because I don't know anyone that I trust enough and feel comfortable talking to about anything. Therapists have just made me feel worse—a lot worse. And so I really never saw the point.
My life is very empty right now. At least when I was in school (I was in college for 7 years), I could at least pretend my life was full enough.