Hi all,

I have been dating my bipolar partner for over a year now. We were friends for a year before dating. We were together when he was diagnosed. He takes 100mg Seroquel (instant release) every night and half a 50mg pill as needed. I have done a lot of reading, but I haven't explored the relationship between bipolar and cognition in detail; cognitive processes seem to be mentioned in passing.

A recurring issue, which I have noticed seems to be getting worse with time, is that he forgets everything. At first I thought he was forgetting because he wasn't listening when we would talk, but it seems as though he genuinely forgets. He forgets things I've said to him and things I've told him. The other day I told him I knew the time of his upcoming doctor's appointment and he said, "HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT?!" because he told me..................................................It's extremely frustrating because I have to start all over in arguments as if we've never talked about something before. As if it's just brand new information that fell out of the sky. I feel like I am with a teenager.

We are currently dealing with an instance of lying. Bipolar may have nothing to do with this and we likely have poor communication strategies, but a few things have made me wonder about the connection between bipolar and cognitive issues. A girl from the past recently texted him telling him she was in town. Thanks to public posts on Facebook, I found out without him telling me. I was confused because he has told me over and over that he has had zero interaction with her. Why would she text him like that if they had no connections to each other? Do we randomly text people to let them know we are in town if we haven't spoken in years...? This matters to me because we entered our relationship with an understanding that I did not accept connections to exes. It is a preference--I do not try to control him and this is the first time anything like this has happened. He told me he felt the same way and it seemed his boundaries/standards/visions seem to mesh with mine.

I asked him if she tried to see him while she was here. This girl, Visitor, is particularly important because he experienced mania winter 2011 before we were together. He had been dating a girl for 3-4mos and flew her across the country to visit him around Thanksgiving. After her visit, he began talking to Visitor online for hours, while still dating the other girl. Two weeks after the girlfriend visited, he broke up with her. She was devastated because she had been planning to move across the country to live with him. Two weeks after that he went back home for the holidays and had a rendezvous with Visitor. We were friends and he told me how wonderful she was, how in love with her he was, how he had always liked her, etc. When we got back from winter break, he told me it didn't work out and how she ended it and was mad when he didn't feel bad about it.

Now back to the present. I asked if she tried to see him. He looked me in the eye and told me no. He told me she knew he had a girlfriend. My gut kept telling me something was not right. I got back on Facebook and I saw they had actually kept in touch throughout the year with little notes. I was angry. We fought all weekend and I explained to him that he lied to me and misled me--he told me ZERO interaction. He did not understand how he could have lied or misled me, he was genuinely confused as to what he did.

I was so angry that I asked her about the extent of their friendship. I did so nicely of course. She sent me this long message telling me how they were friends for a while, how they've only had the occasional text or facebook message, how she was hoping to see him when she was here, etc. He told me she would text him every few months and he would ignore the texts. He told me they never communicated on facebook. He told me she did not try to see him. When I asked him AGAIN, he said "well she texted me saying she was hoping we'd see each other. That's not her TRYING to see me. I didn't lie." Are we not speaking the same language? Please tell me if I am the one with the misunderstanding y'all.

In addition to believing he did not lie/strategically omit/mislead me, he also has trouble recognizing when we are having a conversation. Sometimes we will text when both of us are at home doing nothing and it will be about something important. He'll randomly stop responding and I'll call and say "hey I thought we were having a conversation." His response: "We were? I didn't know what to say." He also has this issue with emails from his students...if they do not ask a question or explicitly ask for a response, he just won't respond and say that they weren't asking for a response.

He told me he didn't tell me she said she wanted to see him because he wanted to avoid it. And I said, did you feel remorse at least for lying to me? He keeps saying he did not lie. Look I don't know what to call it, but he omitted information/knowingly deceived me to fulfill his end.

He forgets things and doesn't seem to recognize certain things. When we argue, he'll pick on one minute thing, like a particular word or how I arranged a sentence, instead of focusing on the main point. I feel hurt and confused. I love him for him, illness and all, and another major fight we are having is about him receiving more robust treatment. I will not leave him for this but I am willing to step off until he is stable. I don't want to have to do that. He is under-dosed and continues to have mood swings. He'll be madly in love with me and extremely sexual for 3 weeks and then he won't be able to stand me for a week or he'll be depressed for weeks. He has definitely improved since starting medication and making lifestyle changes with a regular sleep schedule and regular meals, but he isn't fully stabilized yet.

What do you guys think?