Right now, in the immediate future, I don't think there's anything you can do other than try to hold your own in court as far as child custody and all that are concerned. Your wife needs time to grieve and come to terms with the affair. Right now your wife is grieving in the same way as she would if you died. So you need to give it time. Maybe she'll come around and you can reconcile, maybe your won't...but time is essential right now.