I am sorry, but I do not understand what it is that you called "idealization". Is the underestimating an idealization? Not clear to me...

... I have just checked and I have 78 friends, probably 70 via incoming requests and 8 via outgoing requests, and I do not know the gender of some of them and do know the gender of others. It does not matter that much to me. Nobody out of those people whose gender I do not know has ever expressed dissatisfaction with the fact that I have not asked them for their preferred pronouns. Either neither of those 78 folks are gender-queer, or, they are simply OK with my not knowing their preferred pronoun. Since there are no reliable stats on what percentage of the population is gender-queer, it is hard to make any conclusions.

I think that what is going on on the most general level is your expressing how hard it is to be in a small minority. That I am sure is true and, I am sure, those people who "disrespected" you by using unwelcome pronouns when referring to you would also agree that it is hard being in a small minority. To expect all of them to ask every person what their pronouns of choice are still seems to be a completely unnecessary shift of responsibility and a completely unnecessary increase in the level of effort (think of the 5 seconds it would take you to announce your preferences to the world VS the effort it would take each of your correspondents to ask you for your preferences).

I can tell you my stats: in 23 months that I have been on here with an animal userid and an animal avatar, and, with the gender stated in the signature, there was a total of one (1) occasion of my being called a Mister.