I can not exactly relate to what you are going through, but as someone with ADD/ADHD myself, I can imagine what it must be like- for him and for you on the other end.

I think the biggest thing that needs to happen between you is to make communication clear. Dealing with ADD requires effort from everyone- he needs to understand that ADD is affecting him, and be motivated to do something about it. I know, easier said than done. But it sounds to me like he would rather just avoid the things at hand and sort of pretend they aren't there. I do that myself. and it's something that I know that I need to work on. For people who had ADD, many times, there is the inability to realistically relate the actions and the consequences. Like for instance, he may not fully be thinking of what it might mean financially if he doesn't either help keep things in order at home, or get a job. In his mind, he hears you mention it, and perceives it as nagging because its something that he's probably heard more than once. Because you say it more than once and nothing gets done, you get frustrated. He sees your frustrated and then acts in frustration back. And nothing gets done and you both end up exasperated.

I think the best advice I can give you is to try and communicate and be understanding. And if that doesn't work, then get someone to help you- either an ADHD coach, a marriage counselor, a therapist, etc. It might help to have someone holding him accountable that isn't you, as that will just cause strife. And then just try and be understanding. ADHD is a disorder. It can be managed but it can't really go away. Learning to manage it takes time and effort and practice.