Me and my boyfriend of 8 months (5 of which were LDR) ended it 2 weeks ago. It was a very amicable breakup, I started NC and I am trying to heal and move on.

Something does not give me peace though and I was hoping someone here has gone through the same and could shed some light on my behavior. Me and my BF were friends for a few months before we started dating. For the first 3 weeks of the relationship, we connected and had great convos. Then we had a 2 month break and he came to visit for 1 month. I have NO idea what happened. He was the same - kind, sweet, considerate. But I noticed myself talking and sharing less during our time together. He noticed it and pointed out numerous times that "you are not talking. you should be talking." I tried. I noticed myself growing slightly tense and uneasy during meals, but I tried even though I ended up asking questions I've asked before or the convo ended up feeling forced.

Then we had 3 months of LDR which was OK since we spoke on skype 1-2 a week until the last month when we spoke everyday. We shared things, connected. Then he came to visit for another 1month and a half and things started going downhill. Other things were happening in the relationship as well, but I noticed myself feeling SO tense and uneasy before every meal! I noticed myself trying to come up with talking points way in advance so that I could avoid the silence. We had some nice talks and connected, but most of the time it was awkward silence or we would end up missing each other or get into a conflict.

So our communication suffered because of me and is one of the reasons we broke it off. I really tried but I couldn't understand why I acted the way I did and the more I tried the more tense and uneasy I felt. Isn't this stuff supposed to come naturally?? I don't get it because noone in my entire life has ever told me that I don't speak enough and need to talk. Noone. That's why it is so incomprehensible to me why I acted this way towards someone I cared about

Has anyone had any experience with this or could shed some insight? It would be so appreciated. I'd hate for it to happen in another relationship. Thank you!