I am a genderqueer person. I have been genderqueer my whole life, but only recently "came out" as such. I recently posted a thread that I will not get into, but opened my eyes to the reality that many people do not know what these gender identities are, or how to approach these people with respect.

I will start off with terminology.

Sex; Based on your reproductive system and reproductive abilities and hormones. DOES NOT EQUATE GENDER.

Gender; Mental, emotional, psychological. Gender is not physical, but rather a part of our brains. Some of us are born and our genders match our sex. Some of us are not. It is extremely important to note and understand that gender and sex are NOT the same thing! I am a senior biology student; and this is something we learn VERY early on in our education.

Now, to more terms used in the LGBTQIA* community.

Cisgender; Meaning your SEX matches your given GENDER.
ex; you were identified as a girl at birth by your sex, and it matches your gender.
ex.2.; You are comfortable that your sex matches your gender.

It is VERY important for people who are cis to know that IT IS IN NO WAY a derogatory statement or word. It is a word that exists both in the science, medical, and social fields of both study and community. It gives us a chance to understand who we are and how we are by how we identify and how we are comfortable. If someone calls you "cis" they are not, by any means, insulting you. They are simply stating, that as a cis-gender person, you have privilege over us who are not.

Gender Binary; The social construction of gender in most societies in the world where gender is a dichotomy between male and female.

What does this mean exactly? If you're of the male sex and male gender, you fit into the gender binary. The gender binary is an over-simplification of gender. One that puts pressure on men to be "strong" to be "heros" to not show any sort of emotion. One that puts pressure on women to be "motherly" to be "pure" to be "submissive". It is harmful in many ways; but that is a conversation for another time.

Now. What does non-binary gender mean? I will use a definition from the Gender Wiki (and post all sources at the bottom of the post)

Non-Binary; "Non-Binary Genders are gender identities that don't fit within the accepted binary of male and female. People can feel they are both, neither, or some mixture thereof. It might be easier to view gender as a 1-dimensional spectrum with male on one end, female on the other, and androgyne in the middle- but the reality is that gender is more complex, and 3-dimensional models with axes for male, female, and how strongly you feel attached to that gender identity have been suggested."

Since I am GQ (genderqueer) I am NON-BINARY. This stands true for genderqueer, genderfluid, and agender people. As well as intersex.

Now, to deconstructing what these mean so we can all have a better sense of understanding and therefore can understand those we share this world with on a much better level.

And this is where things are going to become a little more complicated. So give yourself time to read the material, click links, and ask CONSTRUCTIVE and RESPECTFUL questions. I am not made to educate everyone, so this is something I am doing with my free time to help others. If there is a lack of respect, you will get no answers from me.

Genderqueer is a catch-all term for gender identities other than man and woman, thus outside of the gender binary and heteronormativity. People who identify as genderqueer may think of themselves as one or more of the following:
- both man and woman
- neither man nor woman (genderless, agender)
- moving between genders (gender fluid)
- third gendered or other-gendered; includes those who do not place a name to their gender
- having an overlap of, or blurred lines between, gender identity and sexual orientation

Now, as you can see, gender is a much more complicated spectrum then it once has appeared. In your life, you will meet people who identify as at least ONE of these gender identities. Which makes this information even more important to know. To make this a bit easier, I will break down what each non-binary gender means.

Genderqueer; Anyone who identifies outside of the binary genders and cis-genders. I am genderqueer. I am not male, I am not female. And I am COMFORTABLE this way. I dress androgynous, my voice is androgynous, and on certain days I can feel more "male" I can feel more "female" or I can feel neither. What I coin as feeling like "me".

This is the GQ (spectrum) flag:

Genderless/agender; Someone who does not identify as one of the binary genders, nor none of the non-binary genders. In simple terms, they do not have (nor want) a gender identity. Some genderlerss/agender people will dress (like me) in an androgynous way. Some do not. And that is perfectly okay.

"Some agender people feel that they have no gender identity, while others feel that agender is itself a gender identity. This is similar to and overlaps with the experience of being gender neutral or having a neutral gender identity.
As some agender people have no gender identity, it is important to not talk about nonbinary or transgender people's experiences solely in terms of gender identity."


Genderfluid; "an identity under the nonbinary, genderqueer and transgender umbrellas. Fluid gender individuals move between two or more different gender identities or expressions at different times or in different situations."

Now, this one may seem more complicated. I like to break it down in terms of comparing it to sexuality (please do not think I am at all comparing or undermining genderfluid people with this example).
A gay person is attracted to the same sex and gender as themselves.
A bisexual person is attracted to both male and female (binary) people.
A pansexual person is attracted to all gender expressions and identities.

Genderfluidity can be viewed as "pangender". As these individuals do not identify as one, but many, gender identities or none at all. They move between all (or some) genders happily and comfortable with doing so.

Third Gender or Other Gender; "Third Gender aka Othergender is an identity under the nonbinary, genderqueer and transgender umbrellas. Third gender individuals have a gender identity and/or gender expression that is not defined with reference to the gender binary (makes no reference to female/male or feminine/masculine).
The term 'third gender' is not generally intended to imply that there are literally three genders but instead alludes to a 'third way' outside of a rigid binary choice."

Intersex; "Intersex people are those for whom some aspect of their sex is inconsistent with traditionally defined concepts of male and female sex, either among their primary or secondary sexual characteristics, hormones, or chromosomes.
Intersex people have historically been subject to so-called "normalizing" or "corrective" surgeries where their genitals were considered irregular by doctors, often at a very young age and without their consent."

Now that the terms have been shared; it is important to know that gender is NOT a choice. I did NOT choose my gender identity. Rather, I denied it my whole life. Until I have a breakdown and accept this is who I am. No one who is non-binary has CHOSEN their gender. Just like a gay person does not choose to be gay. We are no exception.

I think when it comes to speaking about minorities, as a minority myself, that it is important to state what NOT to ask a trans*/non-binary person as well as list the privileges that cis-gender people have over us so those privileges can be accepted, therefore widening your range of understanding of trans*/non-binary people and their feelings.

WHAT NOT TO SAY OR ASK A TRANS*/NON-BINARY PERSON
- "So, are you a boy or a girl? I mean you can't be both or neither."
- "Do you have a penis or a vagina?"
- "What is your REAL name?"
- "There is no such thing as (genderqueer, genderfluid, agender, intersex, trans*) people. You're doing this for attention."
- "How do you have sex?"
- "Does this mean you're gay?"
- "You're making this up."
- "You're asking to be harassed and questioned because you're identity is so confusing to others! Maybe if you were just normal, we wouldn't have to ask you these questions."

ALL of these questions are EXTREMELY triggering. I can not speak for others, but I have been sexually assaulted multiple times by people trying to figure out if I am a "boy" or "girl". And they all got away with it. Being asked these questions are an EXTREME invasion of privacy.

Ask yourself (if you are cis) would you ask ANY of these questions to another openly cis person? Would you tell them they deserve harassment for how they look or act? No! Of course not! And for that reason, it is never, ever okay to ask these questions. Curiosity is normal. But if your non-binary/trans* friend does not want to answer these questions or educate you; do not be offended. We get asked to do this a lot (for instance, I got asked to make this thread or form an explanation). We use the spoon theory here. The spoon theory is big within the chronic illness community. We, with that communities blessing, have adapted the same terms. Tonight, I really didn't have the spoons to explain all of this. But I am anyway. Keep this in mind when you ask a trans*/non-binary friend/person any of these questions. Sometimes, we're just not up for it. And that's okay.

CIS PRIVILEGES
- As a cis person, you do not need to fear losing your job due to your gender identity. (in more than 12 states in the US it is legal to fire an employee based on their gender identity.)
- As a cis person, you do not need to fear being evicted from your home without warning due to your gender identity. (in the US, in many states, it is completely legal to evict non-binary/trans* people without warning or notice.)
- As a cis person, you do not need to feel gender dysphoria. Especially if you experience menstrual cycles. (some, not ALL, but a good amount of non-binary/trans* people face GD. It leaves us feeling uneasy, as if we are not real, as if we are just sick.)
- As a cis person, you do not need to face confusing doctors appointments involving your health. (the fear of filling out "male" or "female" when you're neither)
- As a cis person, you do not need to fear being abused or kicked out of your home due to your gender identity.
- As a cis person, you do not need to fear being attacked or murdered based on your gender identity (trans*/non-binary people are 70% more likely to be attacked and murdered)

This is all the information I can give right now. I DO NOT WANT THIS THREAD TURNING INTO A DEBATE. I want to start an open, respectful, and SAFE conversation. I want people to feel free to ask me questions here; but know and understand that some days, I am not going to be up to it.

Here are sources used (in case you want to do further reading)
Violence Against Transgender People and People of Color is Disproportionately High, LGBTQH Murder Rate Peaks | GLAAD
http://nonbinary.org/wiki/Intersex
http://nonbinary.org/wiki/Third_gender
http://nonbinary.org/wiki/Fluid_Gender
http://nonbinary.org/wiki/Agender

EDIT: I am tired, in pain, and a bit scatter brained right now. I forgot to add preferred pronouns.

PREFERRED PRONOUNS
Preferred pronouns should ALWAYS be respected. I use the singular "they, them, they're" pronouns. These are my PREFERRED pronouns. If someone calls me a he or a she, it is extremely triggering and can cause dysphoria. And many other non-binary/trans* folk can say the same.
Some examples are
- The singular "they, them, they're" (**these are grammatically CORRECT. There is no debate here, many scholars have come to similar conclusions that these pronouns make more than enough sense to be used. And even if you do not agree, USE THEM ANYWAY.)
- "zhim" (also "mer") for "he or she"
- "shi"/"hir"
- hu, hus, hum, humself (for s/he, his/hers, him/her, himself/herself)

More info and an extremely helpful chart to help you understand how to use these pronouns can be found here; http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender-...ented_pronouns