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Originally Posted by nicole84
Oh my gosh you almost summed me up perfectly there. I've also had times of being off meds for longer frames of time. First it was just depression and anxiety, the bipolar part started coming into it around 09 then was diagnosed almost 2 yrs ago I think? But diff doctors say diff things, or I've played down my symptoms.
I just have the same worries, that medication will numb me out, make me fat etc etc. I'm pretty med sensitive but the fact that the bit of seroquel I've had the past 18 hrs has helped a bit says something sigh.
Definitely won't be leaving here anytime soon, I don't want this to rule my life. Guess I have to learn to accept it, somehow.
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You know acceptance is key. Its the same story for a lot of people not just us. I have been through so many doctors so many different diagnosis, poked prodded and drugged. You have to ask yourself, do you want to be another statistic where you are in and out of the hospital? I certainly don't that's why I have accepted my bipolar in and out.
I worry about the medication too, whether or not I will be forever numb, get too fat, etc, but I don't want to be experimented on any longer.
The key for me was finding the right pdoc to work with me, that way we can come up with a solution that will have the least amount of side effects, (I am currently on 4mg of Haldol and 10mg of Ambien to sleep. That seems to work for me. The sleeping thing is hard though. I am manic during the night which makes it almost impossible to hold down a job. But I am working on that too.
Don't worry, just stick to your meds and try and find yourself a good pdoc. Even if you have to go through a few. Find one that will work with you. I have been fortunate to find a good doctor.
Good luck to you!