Quote:
Originally Posted by Rayvon
For as long as I remember, I have never really fit in with the social "norm". I have always felt like an outcast and I am unable to converse with strangers or be in areas with large crowds without feeling hopeless and trapped. I have tried countless meds, all of which have not worked for me. I am at a breaking point in my life and the thoughts and dreams I am having have started to scare me. I have talked with my counselor, but it feels as though I am getting nowhere and that I come to the end of my available options. I am constantly feeling like everyone is out to get me, even though I know they aren't. Every time I meet someone new it's a horrifying experience. I always think the worst and I am constantly imagining that everyone I know and talk to look down on me and put me down in their minds. So much so that it feels so utterly real when it happens in my head that I honestly start to believe it.
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I understand about feeling like an outcast. I remember once telling my therapist that I always feel so different. She said, "I think you like being different." That has stayed with me for over 20 years. She was right. And that was the day I began to embrace my different-ness.
I wonder if part of what you're feeling is a pressure to be like everyone else. If being like other people means removing a part of your soul, please don't. Yes, it will be hard. And when it's hard I remind myself that I like being alone and I like my choices however different they may be.
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"The question is not how to change
ugliness into beauty,
pain into pleasure,
or misery into happiness...
The question is how to change
the unconscious into conscious,
how to infuse awareness into ourselves and
embrace reality as it is..."
~ Paramahamsa Nithyananda (Swamiji)