What I hear is that you aren't allowing yourself any enjoyment as some sort of punishment for what you did... Is that right? And that there also might be some heartbreak happening... So maybe some of this is real depression because you are carrying a lot on your shoulders right now. Whether it requires medication or not, only a doctor can say. I'd try counseling for a while first. Talk with your therapist about how to treat the depression. I also hear that it worries you that you only remembered it after some time passed. It makes sense that you would have blocked it out because you felt so bad about it. But you DID remember. And it didn't take you all that long to remember.

I think the fact that you are honest with yourself and others about something that you did that you find shameful is such a brave thing. And I think it means you're going to be alright. It's great what your therapist said about what we do doesn't define who we are. I'm glad you have someone to talk with in real life too.

I think it's important to remember that you didn't hurt anyone. Not directly. And that is huge. We all have our things we like to do that we aren't proud of. I think that as long as noone is getting hurt it isn't as bad as it may feel. You stole a piece of clothing and enjoyed yourself with it. That's it right? And you feel bad about it. Forgive yourself. People do MUCH worse things in life hurting others. What you did is nothing in comparison. I don't mean to make light of it. I am only saying that if you keep punishing yourself it's more likely going to happen again, because you'd be stuck there. And maybe you wouldn't do that same thing again. Maybe you'd end up doing something that hurts YOU. Keep processing it. Forgive yourself. You've already taken the hardest steps by talking about it. I don't know if this was a bad thing that you did or if it wasn't a bad thing. I don't know if there is more to it or not. What I do know is that it bothers you a LOT and you are addressing it.

Maybe part of the work can be about how to express your feelings in ways that feel more affirming. So next time someone screws with your heart you might be able to express it in a journal or telling them they really hurt you. Maybe part of the work is about owning how hurt you felt... ?