I feel the same way as well, your not alone and I feel good knowing that for myself. I used to get picked on in school and still do to this day. I've never fitted in and when I tried, I would try way too hard. I've learned to take it and not cry about it, it never felt any better when I would cry. Try not to dwell on as to why but as on how you can make is this is why. Its confusing. I know, but it's helped me. Im here for you and I share your emotions.