Thank you all so much for your help. I left him shortly after my last post because I couldnt stand to be in the same house. He called me crying, he had left work. I came back. He has quit drinking and gone to an a.a. meeting. I made an appointment for couples counseling. I dont trust him fully though, its only been a few days. I applied for an income based housing apartment when I left and have been saving money. I still have boxes packed incase I leave. We have changed our routine, been more active so he is less likely to drink but he has done this once before. He quit for about a month because he saw the damage it was doing, said he didnt like who he was when he drank and then started again because "he should be able to do what he wants" He knows this is the last time. I get help financially from social services now so income is one less thing to worry about. I dont like this waiting game but I love him so I keep giving him chances. Ill let you all know what happens. Thanks so much for all your advice. By the way, Im on birth control and theres no way Id get married at this point. I also have a diary I can read filled with our arguments and I have recordings of him yelling at me, so I dont come back if I leave.