hello everyone,
i have been in treatment for 3 weeks now. am taking meds as i mentioned in previous posts. i am on a rollercoaster of emotions. i go through periods of really bad depression, then i am productive, then i just feel empty. i keep forgetting things. i am tired of feeling depressed. my
'irrational fears" are under control. i don't feel satan in my room anymore. and though i am grateful for that i am tired of the emptiness i feel inside sometimes. i just wanna snap out of this. i hate feeling empty and depressed. i hate having to put on a persona in front of my family when deep inside i am drowning in misery. i am thankful for pc because it is the only place where i can share my true feelings. my pdoc just wants to know that the meds are working. are they working i ask myself. i have been in more episodes of depression than before. so down it scares me. i also have this sense of being super human where nothing seems to affect me in anyway. i know this sounds confusing. my thoughts are disorganized today... i just wanna run away sometimes.. leave everything behind.. then i think how selfish it is of me when i have 2 kids and a husband who need me and don't deserve to be abandoned. sorry for the long post, just venting.