If you want to change your life, you cannot go back to her. She had lots of time to change, and things only got worse. You can't save her without risking drowning yourself. You're already close to it. Make a commitment to stay away from her, based what what you have said here and know is best for you.

So, yeah, get help - a therapist,whatever.

I'm in BC, too. Since you are evidently not a coal miner, apply for jobs in some other geographic area that suits your skills. If you can't figure out where that is, feel free to PM me.

Don't worry about getting another partner. Once you are moving on in life, possibilities can occur. I met my husband in my 40s, and men have a longer sell-by date than women. Age shouldn't be a problem.