I am sorry you are having such a problem, but I think you have already answered your own question.
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Because she's not a therapist, or a friend, she's my ex's mother, something i need to move on from
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You need to move on, this relationship or I should say lack there of is causing you depression. And you can't continue to see this woman. I think you need to let go. I think in the long run you will feel better than having her in your life only in small bits. I had a simalar experience with an ex who we thought we could remain causal friends. We talked on the phone but it seem to hurt worse after talking to him than not to talk to him at all. We finally had to cut all contact. It broke my heart because he had been my best friend and I missed him, but it was for the best. I still think of him and miss him, but at least it doesn't leave me in days of depression.
Good luck to you. Keep posting when you need to for support.
Gayle