thanks for sharing your thoughts...heres a thought I had when I was going through the same confusion/denial/acceptance issues....

I dont have to ....believe....I can go with what I ....feel....instead of a belief...

how that worked with me was that if I felt one way one moment and differently the next moment that was ok.

during the moments I felt it was real I asked myself.....what do I need right now? Do I need to just sit with this feeling? do I need to cry, laugh, smile, be angry...do I need to confront those that I feel harmed me?....

I did the same thing during the moments when it didnt feel real...

I just accepted my feeling the way I was in that moment, honored that feeling and self nurtured in what ever ways I needed at that moment.