Thank you, OE. I appreciate the fact that people here are willing to tolerate my ramblings and rants. Today is a blah day for me, I had minor surgery yesterday and am stuck at home with my leg elevated most of the day, so it gives my mind more time to dwell on this stuff.

A year out from what happened, I still have a lot of trouble accepting it. And I know I sound like a broken record, over and over. I also sound like a spoiled whining brat like this is the worst thing that has ever happened to anyone in history. So then I feel guilty about that. I guess everyone's experience is their own. I rarely think about the guy that threatened me last summer, that doesn't bother me much any more. I think a lot about my father and that entire mess. I fixate mostly on being sent to the day hospital as bipolar. I don't think it's healthy on a lot of levels. On the scale of trauma, it is nothing. Mostly hurt my pride and self esteem. I certainly wasn't in physical danger, it was at a "premier" enormous hospital, very nice place. I went out at lunch every day at their food court and had sushi or salads or went to the shopping center next door just to escape. Not exactly the trauma a rape victim or disaster survivor or concentration camp survivor went through. And it burns through my mind 24/7 anyway. And I am acting like a 16 year old whining because Dad took away the car after the kid got caught speeding with beer in the car or something. It's stupid. I feel very "stuck" and I feel like if I can't reconcile myself to what happens the bitterness will destroy me.

Upon reflection, it does feel exactly like you describe. Like punish the victim to me. Like one more big betrayal in my life. And it definitely was more traumatic long term than the incident at work. I can laugh about that now. I certainly can't laugh about the misdiagnosis incident.