((Mowtown))),

Everything you just said is exactly what people (including myself) say when they are struggling with "complex PTSD" which is what you are really struggling with.

For me personally, on one hand I have a huge desire to verbalize how challenged I am, yet on the other hand, often when I spend time doing that, I feel like somehow I am "whining" and should not have expressed my challenges the way I just seemed to "need to do" somehow.

However, that feeling that challenged me was actually coming from "the dysfunctional" people I grew up around and even my alcoholic "psychologically abusive husband". To top that off, even when I tried to reach out for "help" the professionals "misdiagnosed me" even though I expressed "all the clear red flags" that should have led them to diagnose me with "complex PTSD" or at least that I was a "victim of abuse". Like you, I can look back with finally understanding my "true diagnosis" and see the mistakes that were made with me when I really "needed help and support".

I have spent quite a bit of time with my therapist working through "how I was misdiagnosed and mistreated by other therapists or so called professionals" and unfortunately, I am not alone with this challenge either. I have also learned that an effort is being made to train people who work in "psychwards and hospitals" how to identify a "trauma victim" verses further traumatizing them with the wrong "treatment" and "diagnoses".

Please, do not "self blame" when you need to "talk" and express your troubled emotions and challenges. You need to stop thinking you are whining or that your challenges are "not important" somehow. Instead you need to continue to verbalize the challenges you have and get "validation" and slowly "grieve" and "finally work through them.

(((Caring Hugs)))
OE