Hello Softballjunkie8. I hope I can help even a bit.

OCD is a really tricky thing to explain to people who have no prior knowledge of the disorder. Most people assume that OCD means, and only means, germaphobic, clean freak, etc. While some of us with OCD do have contamination fears, etc, it is not our only identifying feature.

I would say; get together with your mom. But not to do it within your home. Find a quiet space, a park, some where you two can be alone. Bringing yourselves out of the home environment makes it much easier to get talking and to be heard. It takes a lot of the stress away that is connected to the home and gives you the space to speak freely. When I first told my mom (mind you, I was seven), I said "Mom, I can't stop doing these things. I can't stop washing my hands and bleeding" (I am a skin picker). That was enough of a clue in to my mom.

As an adult know; I would maybe write her a letter. Maybe write what you want to tell her and read it in front of her. Explain what your OCD feels like and what it does to you and how it makes things, including relationships, difficult. Explain that panic attacks are unpleasant, and they are hard to get out of, and that you would really appreciate her support. Even offer to answer any questions she may have. That may make this easier.

I wish you well and I hope it all gets solved soon.