You all have helped me greatly. Actually there has been a lot of trauma in the past but I really thought I got over it. I did the therapists, I tried classes etc. I really thought I had concurred it but I started reverting back to old ways I thought I was better because I stopped crying all the time during sex but I guess I am just not completely better. Reverting back to old ways meaning I just shut my brain off while it happens and I imagine myself in another place just doing everything I can to get it over with quickly. I feel so dirty when it is done I have to run to the bathroom clean up and a lot of the times leave the room making excuses I am not tired anymore and that he just goes to sleep without me. I know I cant expect anyone to have a relationship with me without sex but I dont know what else to do to like it. Any ideas?