I think you are dealing with two different issues. One is the cognitive issue, short term memory problems and those are real, part of the bipolar itself and a result of the medication, AP's aren't the only culprits for that though. I've been looking into this just this past week because I feel like my memory and other executive functions are getting worse. The bad thing about short term (working memory) problems is that information doesn't get into the long term memory at all. So, he's not making this problem up at all. LISTS and lists for my lists, a date planner, everything in writing is what helps me. I can't even keep up with my phone so, for me technology isn't a help.

Now, the other issue. He sounds manic, maybe not full blown psychotic manic but just enough to think its ok to have you around while sneaking on the net with the visitor and thinking to himself that its ok because he's not REALLY cheating if its just a chat. I was that other woman on the net with a young man who was living with a young woman who he declared he was madly in love with...only he declared he was madly in love with me too. BUT... we were both undiagnosed mentally ill people at the time, this situation is how I got my diagnosis of bipolar 1, when eventually I bought a $1000 plane ticket to see him in England. This situation is how he got his diagnosis of schizoaffective disorder. The situation though was the same, we lied to our significant others about our friendship, about how much contact we had with one another. Thank goodness I got caught before I was able to leave the country.

Your boyfriend doesn't sound stable, he sounds like he is doing things he kind of knows he shouldn't but bipolar mania doesn't really care about shouldn't, if it feels good do it is its mantra, so he's trying to cover his tracks. And lying to do so.

You have to decide what you can take in this relationship and what is your breaking point. Bipolar disorder can be managed but the person has to be in a place to see that he needs help. Manic people feeling good don't usually see the need and you may not be able to get him to see it. That's normal too for bipolar folks, the lack of insight, the inability to see that you are sick. I didn't know I was sick, it took 8 months for the real crazy to finally show up and get people to take notice and it wasn't mania, it was the crash into depression that followed it that got me my diagnosis.

I hope I was able to help some. I at least recognized the scenario you described and the young man I was in love with over the net really was a very sick man who eventually got help just as I did. We both turned out ok for the most part, a little older, wiser and much more medicated.